Crazy Saturday

Yesterday was another crazy Saturday for us. The man works on Saturday’s so it is my job to take both kids to their various activities.

Sundays I fall over in a heap!

And then go to the gym. And clean the house, and study, but I’d like to fall over in a heap….

After arguing with the boy about going to his basketball game yesterday, they finally won for the first time in 7 months. Last season had been a hard one as the boys had been put in the wrong division. Yesterday was the first game of the new season and they were in the right division this time. The team was very excited to see a win on the board! I think I cheered more than they did though….

Following the basketball run was picking the girl up from ballet, shopping, then the psychologist came over to see the kids – the girl spoke to her and the boy ignored her…. normal then!

The girl gets a chance to offload everything that is bothering her, and hopefully get some strategies to deal with what goes on in her life.

The boy managed to shut down very successfully until the hour was up – he knows that she has to leave eventually so just waits until she does. It is his way of avoiding the hard questions she may ask him. I did want him to talk to her about the anxiety he gets and ways to deal with it, but I think he was too anxious to do it. Can’t win with him!

The boy then entertained himself for a while by watching Super Nanny episodes on Youtube. I think he was getting tips on how to misbehave! He seemed fascinated by what was happening and could tell me all about ‘the reflection room’ and how it was meant to improve the kids’ behaviour, and what the kids in the show was doing. I still want Super Nanny to have to deal with kids on the spectrum, I think she’d lose somehow! Hehe…..

Then I had a nap!



Head hurts tonight!

The girl dances on a Friday night. She loves dancing, and she looks so free and happy when she does.

Tonight she came home hungry. Not unusual as she is always hungry, but she didn’t know what she wanted to eat.  The problem is is that she only eats about four things and she didn’t want any of those.

Pasta? No

Weetbix with Vegemite? No


Sandwich? No

All options exhausted then. Cue tears….

I put one option on the table – the one she hadn’t finished from before she left for dancing – and told her to go sit down at the table. Once she saw what it was she started crying that she didn’t want it, but couldn’t tell me what she did want. I said that if she didn’t want to eat then she should have a bath and go to bed, as she was obviously tired.

Apparently eyes hanging out of head and tears doesn’t mean you are tired! Just so you know…

I lost it at the point and said it wasn’t a restaurant and she was out of options. Cue more tears and collapsing on the ground this time.

I left her to it and went into another room to cool down.

A few minutes later she stormed past us to go to her room, where she proceeded to collapse on her bed this time, conveniently bypassing the bathroom and ignoring the fact that I’d told her to have a bath if she wasn’t going to eat.

After physically dragging her off the bed and into the bathroom, I then had to undress her, which is quite difficult when she is trying to put her clothes back on at the same time. I picked her up and dumped her in the bath (so so glad she is little!) and walked away… after saying that if she was not careful she would have to go and live with another family because I can’t look after her anymore.

Five minutes later she is calling me from the bath.

‘Now I’m worried that you are going to get rid of me’.

After reassuring her that I didn’t mean it and I was just frustrated by her behaviour, she got out of the bath.

And proceeded to get upset about everything else that was going on in her world. Like her body hurting everywhere, and her knee hurts as well, and the German Teacher at school is convinced that all kids with Aspergers are going to try to run away like a girl did in Prep who has it, but don’t ask her how she knows this because she can’t tell me. And she doesn’t want the German Teacher to know she has it because she will tell even more people about it, like her best friend in Year 4 did after promising to keep it a secret then telling everyone who then proceeded to laugh and point at her. And there is a mean girl in the Softball Team at school who keeps picking on her but she is in the Year below her and she only knows her first name but she is really mean to her and she is really missing her computer game and when can you get a new computer so I can play it and it’s not fair….and can I have some Tuna please?

This was all told to me in about two minutes flat, such was the speed of her talking.

I know that she holds everything in until she feels she is safe enough to tell us and then she erupts, but we have to go through the meltdown to get to what is upsetting her.

Hurts my head and now I need a drink. And chocolate. Or both….

Merry. Freaking. Christmas!

What a day! Or days… or week or whatever.

I know I haven’t written for months, haven’t had the energy or inclination but I am still here apparently.

So we have done Christmas and New Years Eve and now it is the long summer holidays. Three more weeks til school is back! Not that I am counting too much because it is nice to have a break from the mundane routine of life.

Christmas was very stressful for me because of the boy. He didn’t understand that you don’t get everything (and sometimes anything) from your Christmas list because of various reasons. I tried to explain the cost of items he was requesting, or the suitability of items. Apparently Santa could just buy him anything that was too expensive, and anyway, he was going to ask Santa to bring US money so we would have lots and lots and lots.

Hmmm…..don’t you just love 9 year old mentality??

The end result was a very stressed mummy who was racking her brains trying to think of something that wasn’t on his list which included a dog (not going to happen because I don’t want another child to look after) and various guns (his current obsession)


Enter a WiiU

We had a Wii console but it had broken, and had been lying dormant for many months. It was going to be expensive to fix and I refused to buy a different games system as we already had a heap of games. I asked the very knowledgeable 12yo in the shop (ok, maybe he was 18) if the old Wii games would work on the new WiiU?

‘Oh yes’, he assured me, ‘all the old gear works so it will be fine’.

Fast forward to 6.55am on Christmas morning and the man set about sorting out the new toy.

It. Didn’t. Freaking. Work!!!!

There was tears and tantrums and name calling – and the boy was quite upset as well.

The man accepted it as something else that was destined to go wrong in our world and nearly cried. All we wanted to do was give the boy something that would put a smile on his face and take the pressure off us for a while. We couldn’t afford to give the kids much this year so that’s really all the family got.

It made for a very quiet Christmas Day. We were all feeling a little defeated and sad, and after a very long lunch out at my sister’s house I came home and spent the evening in tears before crawling into bed.

The next day just after lunchtime – after we had had 48 meltdowns from the boy about the lack of cooperation from the WiiU (Which I had quietly christened the FuckU) – and the man was just about to drop-kick the thing back to the shop, the boy suddenly shouted that it was working!

No freaking way!!

Cue party time and sighs of relief all round.





Let there be hope!

Just a short one today.

We are at breaking point at the moment. The girl is waking up numerous times a night, and often stays awake from 3 or 4am. This is not good for my or the man’s state of mind. We are sleep deprived and bad tempered. Some times a lot of the time we feel we have no one on our side or helping us. We get praised about how well we deal with the kids or get told that people are in awe but that doesn’t help much when it is the middle of the night and the girl won’t sleep and is shouting which wakes the boy up and no one knows what to do. Or when I am told I am an idiot and am mean all the time because I make the girl get off the couch and actually do something. Or when the boy smashed the door handle into the wall and makes yet another hole in the plaster just because I wouldn’t let him do something.

I am feeling a bit lonely at the moment, or just not good enough. In the past few weeks my parenting and the children’s behaviour has been called into question by people who have no right to judge.

We have just got hold of an ASD Psychologist. She is coming to our house this coming Saturday. Just from speaking to her on the phone she sounds like she knows how to deal with children on the spectrum, unlike the other one we saw a few times last year who had no idea what to do with the boy. She said she does home visits because the children are more relaxed and comfortable in their own environment.

We can only hope….

Here is something I really liked as well.

Something to think about.



Hmm my first post in a while…things have been a bit hectic here lately.

Finding it very hard to cope with it all at the moment. What I would do for some help or a holiday. Or just someone to get the girl out of bed and dressed in the morning. I am usually exhausted by 7.28am every morning and my spine has fallen out just from wrestling her out of bed.

This morning I had two of them to get dressed as the boy has collapsed and was incapable of moving due to one of his obsessions. He gets these obsessions for things and that’s what consumes him. There is no getting him to think or talk about anything else and heaven help us if we can’t get it for him. Of course once he gets whatever it is he moves on to something else and the need starts again.

At the moment it is a BB gun. Yep, an air rifle! Of course I am going to be rushing out to get one. Just wait while I grab my bag will you!

I physically had to dress him and brush his teeth and shove his feet into his shoes just to get him to school as he was just being an immovable lump on his bed. No response was had from him in regards to anything other than that was all he wanted and that’s all he ever wanted for ever and ever.

I do feel for him about these obsessions – to be consumed by something like that would make it very hard to function. I wish I could help him get over these but I don’t know what to do.

Wednesday he wouldn’t go to school at all and when he gets angry he is very very strong.

I also got very very angry.

I smashed the lead-lighted window we have in the front door. I was so so angry that he could do that to me. Of course him not going to school was the straw that broke the camels back after having a crappy night with the girl. She had been awake since 3.30am and both the man and I were tired.

I need a break!

Just shoot me. Please…

Anyone know what to do with obsessions and how to help the boy overcome them??


Ticket anyone?

I took the girl to the paediatrician today for her 6 monthly check up.

A friend turned up in the waiting room a few minutes later – I always seem to meet people I know there. Obviously as we go to a ‘Children’s Clinic’, which is in the same building as a doctors surgery,  the chances of meeting someone I know there are pretty high.


The girl couldn’t sit still. She swung on the chairs, and got her backside stuck between two chairs, and sat on my lap and got off my lap and chatted about nonsensical issues and taught this friend’s children how to get their butts stuck between chairs…. in short she very much looked and acted like a child on the spectrum whose medication had run out!

Of course she always plays up when we are in public. Luckily I had on my thick skin and couldn’t be bothered wondering what others were thinking of me and the girl – and my friend was most entertained by her antics – if not a little surprised as she had never seen her outside the school setting.

Always fun to open a person’s eyes to the joys of Aspergers, maybe we could sell tickets?

At least the sick patients in the waiting room were knocked out of their boredom for a while.

Where’s the wine ritalin when you need it!!!


Still my little boy…

My blog has been taunting me, saying that I haven’t been writing in here very much. I have so much to write about but it all gets so confusing sometimes. I have just been trying to shut out the noise…

I keep looking at my little boy, who has officially got his Aspergers diagnosis, and wondering if he is different to who he was last week. Different to BEFORE the diagnosis.

Of course not!

He is still my little boy, the same boy. Still mine.

Still the one who gives me lots of cuddles and kisses, and loves playing football and lego with his dad. Still taunts his sister….

Every time I have to say to a teacher, or a coach or a friends mum for example that he has Aspergers, I feel sad. A lot of the time I don’t need to tell others, but if I do it is because I need them to know why he won’t talk to them sometimes, or why he is yelling at me.

I need for them to understand why he is acting like this.

He is off to a party tomorrow, and although I know he won’t say thanks to the parents for having him there, or talk to them at all I know that they understand him and won’t be offended. Sometimes when I mention that both children are on the Autism Spectrum, I get the look that says ‘Really? They don’t look like anything is wrong!’. No, I am not making it up… who could be bothered?

And a lot of the time I don’t even care if people do get offended now. If they don’t get it them I am not about to keep explaining to them why he won’t talk to them. He hasn’t even spoken to some members of our family. Ever!

He cares for them in his own little way.


Hard times…

I know it has been a while since I have written anything. It has all seemed to hard and daunting. I’m sure you all know the feeling.

Welcome to my life…

The kids went back to school last week but I feel like I am still playing catch-up after the holidays. The house is a mess, homework routine has gone out the window and the meltdowns are building up. Last night’s was a whopper from the girl. One section of homework took 3 hours, and it still wasn’t complete by the time I was about to throw it in the bin in disgust. In fact, the man did throw it in the bin but the boy got upset at that and got it out.

You see, camp is next week and that always causes problems. Changes to routines, changes to environments and mum and dad won’t be there. Stress overload.

She wants to go but she is scared. She cried herself to sleep on the two nights she went away last year, but she did it and we were proud of her. At this stage I don’t know whether she will be alive by next week to go.

The man and I had a good laugh tonight about a questionnaire we received about a sleep study. Sleep? Can anyone please tell us what that is? The girl goes to sleep any time between 9pm and 11pm and then wakes a couple of times a night and sometimes can be awake from 4am. I would hate to be her teacher at school on those days!

The good news so far this term is that the boy started tennis lessons and actually spoke to the coach and participated in his first lesson!! That would never have happened a year ago! He is making so much progress this year and he can’t wait to go back again tomorrow morning.

I am struggling with my depression but have turned to exercise to try to beat it this time. I am enjoying running and being out of the house and as a bonus the centimeters are coming off me as well. I love the freedom of being outside and not contactable. No kids, no screaming, no demanding.

Maybe I will go for another run today!

Or maybe have some wine instead.

It’s all about me!

The boy is now sick.

The girl has been sick all week and now it’s the boy’s turn. In true Asperger fashion the girl declared that he couldn’t possibly be any sicker than she is. Because it is all about her of course!

The last school concert was last night and he struggled through it as he was just starting to get sick. He shivered all the way to the car even bundled up in a blanket, and fell asleep on the way home. This morning he crawled into bed with a raging fever. At least he kept me warm!

This afternoon he collapsed in a heap and crawled back into bed. He has been there ever since, except for a few minutes when he woke up thinking he was going to be sick. I think it is going to be a long night.

The girl however, is still sick but well enough to be annoying to everyone now. She has been in her pyjamas all day and is still coughing but being a little motor mouth and rabbiting on about nothing important.

I made her dinner, as I have to. The homemade pizza’s she does like. I thought I would make her something she enjoys to eat as she hasn’t really had an appetite this week. So I gave her the muffin pizza’s with the tomato paste on it as well as the bacon. Apparently she doesn’t eat it with cut up bacon on them, she only eats it with ham!  Umm… no, I have made it with bacon before I reply.

20 minutes later with the tantrums still going she attempts to eat it by pulling off all the bacon and then licking the tomato paste off the muffins. And the muffins still taste ‘different’ because the bacon had been touching them….

My head really hurt by now…. where is the freaking wine!!! 

After saying that she wasn’t getting anything else and the tantrum and tears not abating I gave up and made her a vegemite muffin, threw her in the bath and sent her to bed.

I left the man in charge of the bedtime routine and went for a drive to visit my mum. And have a glass of wine.