Still my little boy…

My blog has been taunting me, saying that I haven’t been writing in here very much. I have so much to write about but it all gets so confusing sometimes. I have just been trying to shut out the noise…

I keep looking at my little boy, who has officially got his Aspergers diagnosis, and wondering if he is different to who he was last week. Different to BEFORE the diagnosis.

Of course not!

He is still my little boy, the same boy. Still mine.

Still the one who gives me lots of cuddles and kisses, and loves playing football and lego with his dad. Still taunts his sister….

Every time I have to say to a teacher, or a coach or a friends mum for example that he has Aspergers, I feel sad. A lot of the time I don’t need to tell others, but if I do it is because I need them to know why he won’t talk to them sometimes, or why he is yelling at me.

I need for them to understand why he is acting like this.

He is off to a party tomorrow, and although I know he won’t say thanks to the parents for having him there, or talk to them at all I know that they understand him and won’t be offended. Sometimes when I mention that both children are on the Autism Spectrum, I get the look that says ‘Really? They don’t look like anything is wrong!’. No, I am not making it up… who could be bothered?

And a lot of the time I don’t even care if people do get offended now. If they don’t get it them I am not about to keep explaining to them why he won’t talk to them. He hasn’t even spoken to some members of our family. Ever!

He cares for them in his own little way.

 

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Routines and rewards

Well that was fun!

I had to speak to the Psychologist at school today about the boy. He had finished his tests at school as part of his diagnosis and the psychologist just wanted to give me her report and let me ask any questions about it all.

I then told her about the girl and how a lot of behaviour was getting worse and that the man and I are at our wits end with it all. She let me explain about the night time routine and how it is not working for us (even though the girl thinks it is) and how much of the evening is spent either trying to reason with the girl, or argue with her.

She said that is sounded like the girl was getting a lot of negative attention from us, as we jumped through hoops to get her to go to bed without a battle. That sounded about right. She went on to say that all the girl has to do was say no to something or put up a protest and then mum and dad start paying her a lot of attention, and then one parent disagrees with the other and hey presto, the girl has one humdinger of a fight over her in her bedroom. Free show!

So tonight we started a new routine. We told the girl that we were changing the routine because the old bedtime routine just wasn’t working. She was happy with that – until bedtime came!

The first part was easy. She had to go to the toilet and brush her teeth BEFORE getting into bed. Then if she did that she would get a chapter of her book read to her as a reward.

Sounded easy to me!!

She cried and threw objects around the room and banged on the walls and yelled out to me and ripped up the new routine that I had written on a piece of paper. We had calmly told her through gritted teeth that we wouldn’t be back until she had gone to the toilet and brushed her teeth.

‘I HATE THIS ROUTINE AND I WANT MY OLD ONE BACK’ was shouted a few hundred times. Cos apparently she knew better than us.

The man and I did not rise to any of her attacks on us, and whenever she screamed at us from her room we just replied that we would return to read her book when she had done as she was told. And that we would be glad to spend time with her then.

After a while (read one and a half hours) I went into her room and tried to give her her toothbrush again. Another meltdown from her but I didn’t react. I then reached over and managed to get the toothbrush into her mouth and did her teeth. This made her cry harder but it was all over pretty quick.

She then coughed, blew her nose and smiled at me. A completely different child. How do they change so fast?!

We spent some time chatting and then reading her book. Yes it was late by then but she had to have some positive attention. Even though I had ended up doing her teeth for her she had not had any fighting or extra attention about that, so I figure that is a start.

I figure this will not be an easy road but it has to be done for our sanity. Although, according to the boy we are already dimwits so maybe there is no hope for us at all!

I think I have earned my wine tonight, two hours of a bedtime routine will do that to a person.

 

 

 

Seriously??

The ongoing saga of the assessment continues….

The boy had his second speech pathologist appointment yesterday which went much better than last weeks attempt. This week I left him alone with the speech pathologist and he was fine. Obviously when I am there with him he relies on me to answer questions for him.

45 mins later the therapist comes to get me and she was all smiles. The boy was pretty pleased with himself as well. She said that as he had been so so good that he deserved some treat for it. Luckily I had a lolly for him in my handbag. No, she says, I think he deserves something bigger than that because he was so great at the testing.

Great!

To him, treat means a new toy.

Obviously she didn’t take any notice of the questions I had answered last week about his obsessions. He loves new things. He needs new things and if he doesn’t get what he wants then all hell breaks loose. That’s all we hear about until he either gets what he wants (by either doing chores now to earn the money for it, or waiting to a birthday for example) or he moves onto a new obsession. And I mean obsession. He once asked the tooth fairy for an iphone when his tooth fell out. And no, he still hasn’t got one….

So The Man and I have decided that he can get something after next week’s appointment. We think he does deserve something, but it has to be on our terms, not because we are told to get him something. He hadn’t even expected a treat for going along to all these appointments and this is a big step for him. To make him expect something is just making our job harder the next time we have to do something for him.

So do you think we have had a minute’s peace about it?  I am pretty annoyed at her. How dare she suggest ideas to him without consulting me.

I know it was done under the best of intentions – but it was just handled wrong.

What do you think?

Mum fail

I felt like an epic failure yesterday.

We have finally started the formal diagnosis of the boy. Or as I like to say – just throw all our money at the specialists!! I have decided that I will just call myself a specialist and see who can throw some money at me…. do you think it’ll work?

I took the boy to his first speech pathologist assessment yesterday. First of all I forgot the paperwork that was needed for the therapist to get all the proper details. I have so much paperwork it is coming out my ears, and I just forgot which doctor needs what forms filled in. So anyway, I had to do it whilst she was talking to me about the boy. I also didn’t have any reports from all the hearing tests he had years ago, or the details of his current doctor for his kidneys etc etc.

Then I couldn’t remember what his first word was, or if he babbled baby language at 6 months. It’s ok I said to her, I will check when I get home as I have it all filled in in his baby books.

Wrong!

There is nothing in them. I never did it. I remember when he crawled and walked, but not when he spoke or didn’t.

Feel very bad right now.

Will fill you in on the details of how the assessment went (or didn’t) later. Did I mention that he shuts down when strangers try to talk to him? Der… that’s part of the problem. You would think these autism specialists would know how to deal with kids on the spectrum. Wouldn’t you?