A new low

I hit a new low on Monday. I cried in the car park of Woolworths.

I had just raced to the supermarket to grab up a couple of things before picking up a friend for the boy to play with for the day. It had been organised the day before as the boy had been nagging me to play with this other boy for ‘days and days and days’. (Confused much?)

I got a text message from his mother saying that today wasn’t going to suit after all and could we please change it to tomorrow.

As I envisioned the meltdown to follow, the screaming that I am a moron, the throwing of whatever the boy could get his hands on and the horrible, horrible atmosphere I just burst into tears. I sat there and howled and was mighty glad of the tinted car windows.

I couldn’t bear to go home to be greeted by this but as I figured that no-one was going to ride in on their horse to save me or the day I was going to have to.

I need me a hero!

My black dog

I don’t know how much you have figured out from previous posts but I suffer from depression. I have had it since the girl was born nearly 10 years ago.

Most days I have a handle on it but sometimes it all just gets too much. I just want to hide from the world for a while or forever!

At my worst I was hospitalised on two occasions for 4 weeks each time. It saved my life and my baby’s life. I won’t go into it now but I was in a pretty bad place.

I am not there now but I just want to stop for a bit. The boy threw an almighty tantrum this morning about going to school. He does this periodically and recently we have been able to overcome these tantrums by saying that he will be going to school so either get dressed now or he will be getting dressed in the principals office after walking into school in his pyjamas.

It didn’t work this morning and neither the man or I could get him out of the door. We gave in and said that if he was sick then he would have to stay in bed the whole day and do nothing. He screamed and cried at that for a while but then calmed down.

After asking to watch the tv and being told no, and getting the same answer when he asked to play with his DS, or play with lego, or read a book, he gave up and asked where his school clothes were and could Dad please drive him to school. I even got a hug and a kiss goodbye. He left and I promptly burst into tears. It is all getting too hard…

I do some work but I have no motivation to do that any more. I have an idea for a mini-business/hobby but I have no energy to get started with that either. I feel safe at home and don’t like leaving home sometimes and I enjoy being by myself when everyone is either at work or at school. I relish the silence….

My head is a lovely place to be at the moment.

 

 

 

At least he is honest

Don’t tell the boy that I told this one – he will get upset that I am laughing at him. Although technically I am not laughing at him, just what he said! Does that count then?

Anyway, it happened a couple of weeks ago but he was in the car on the way to school. We pass a chinese restuarant on the way. You know the ones – perched on the end of the mall, looking a bit daggy and old. Yes..

He looked up at this place and says ‘Fortune Place’.

‘No’, says the girl ‘It says ‘Fortune Palace’.

The boy is silent for a few seconds while he thinks about it…

‘It doesn’t look like a palace, looks like a heap of shit’.

Ahhh…. honesty at it best!