The birthday from hell

Today was my birthday.

And I cried.

It was decided that we would go out for lunch to celebrate, just the four of us……I don’t know what I was thinking!

After an hour or two of kids stuffing around and still not getting dressed, or whinging that they didn’t have a plan white top to wear (the girl) and getting upset set when I said I couldn’t just materialise it out of thin air, and the boy not putting his shoes on and cavorting around the house annoying the dog, the man and I walked out.

By ourselves.

By the time I had reversed the car down the driveway both kids were standing outside the house with their shoes in their hands ready to go.  The boy was very apologetic about making me sad and the girl was whining about her socks being dirty.

The kids were excited as we were having pancakes for lunch and they love pancakes. They liked the sound of the pancakes that came with chocolate syrup, ice-cream and sprinkles, but the girl was unsure whether she would like it on a pancake, so I got them to put all the side in separate jugs on the side of the plate. The waitress must have thought we were mad!

As predicted – the pancake tasted different and the ice-cream tasted different so both went uneaten by the girl. But she managed to eat all of the chocolate syrup with no problem. That would have filled her up!

Back home we went where the girl promptly asked for something to eat as she was hungry.

Then it was time to go to my mothers house for dinner. As predicted, the kids wouldn’t cooperate. The boy was playing with a ball in the hall and wouldn’t do anything he was asked and the girl was flapping around doing whatever she was doing. The man had the audacity to raise his voice which caused the boy to shut down completely.

At this point I burst into tears (again) and left the house. I drove to my mums house crying and had a birthday dinner without any of my family. My Mum, Nana, Sister, Brother in law and my niece and nephews were on hand to sing me happy birthday but not my own family.

I got to watch normal kids do normal things and it just made me feel worse. I felt very sad and worn out by it all.

I know that the boy and the girl can’t think of anyone but themselves but I do wish they could. It is not nice feeling very unimportant all the time.

I will get over it and move on, but today I am sad.

 

Pass the wine

We are just in the middle of one of our nightly fights with the boy. Apparently because we are trying to make him brush his teeth we are bad parents who don’t care about him. He has just been literally dragged kicking and screaming into his bedroom and been told to put himself to sleep and that he has to stay there all night.

By himself.

Impossible!

It breaks my heart to see him act like that. I hate being told I am a bad parent by him when I love him to bits and would do anything to not see him hurt.

I don’t get why he has to shut down every night when asked to brush his teeth. Up until that point he is a happy cheery boy, and it’s like a switch just flicks inside his head. He won’t tell us why he won’t brush his teeth. He does it without fighting in the morning so it is not a sensory issue.

Drives. Us. Crazy!

The girl is in her room shouting for everyone to be quiet and that she is trying to learn her spelling words! She couldn’t care less about what is happening. I wouldn’t expect anything else from her though.

As I have written all this I caught him sneaking out of his room to go and brush his teeth. I don’t get why he does this after 15 minutes of screaming about it, and making the man and I sad and upset in the process. Now we will sit here all evening feeling like we are failures.

Where’s the wine tonight? Anyone….

I’ll update you on the sleeping issue later.

The boy and his tennis

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What a morning!
The boy was supposed to have tennis today.
He loves playing tennis, and I love him playing tennis because it uses up some of his copious amount of energy….although he has usually fully recharged his tank by the time we get home.

This morning it was just not happening. I had already left home at 6.50am for a running session at the local track for an hour so by the time I had got home at 8.15am I was hot and tired. The boy just didn’t want to go along with the plan.

I asked him to get dressed a few times and he just buried himself into the couch and frowned.

He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. Not then and not either of the 375 times I asked him after that.
I am embarrassed about how I lost my temper and ranted at him and quite possibly made him feel worse. I just wanted him to speak to me and say WHY he didn’t want to go.

I had a voice in my head telling me that he doesn’t speak when he is stressed, that that is how his aspergers comes out, but I couldn’t calm down.
It. Drives. Me. Crazy!!

Anyway, I finally told him to write down what was bothering him and he wrote this message.

Finally, an answer! When I asked him why he couldn’t have told me before the lesson and avoided all this stress for us both he couldn’t tell me. I (tried) to explain to him that is there is a problem he can tell me and I can try to do something about it, instead of having a massive meltdown about doing something he loves. And yes there was a boy that was awful to him a few weeks ago, and really upset the boy.

It’s all part of the syndrome! There is no hope for us then. Perhaps 10am was a little early to start drinking but it certainly was tempting!!