Today has been one of those days that I’d rather not have very often.
A day when all I want to do is crawl back into bed and do nothing.
It is all too hard. I swear the girl is getting harder to deal with, rather than easier. The boy made her breakfast this morning. He is younger but more able to cope with everyday life. If I ask her to make her breakfast then we have a meltdown about not being able to do it. Rather than trying and learning she just collapses in tears. The boy had gotten the toaster out of the cupboard, plugged it in, put the bread in and the buttered and spread vegemite on the toast. All for his sister! How cool is that?
My mum rang up today to say that she would take the kids out to the park, so have them ready at 2pm.
At 2pm she arrived to find the girl still rolling around her bed half dressed. She had refused to brush her teeth so far because she wasn’t dressed, and she wasn’t dressed because there wasn’t a singlet she wanted to wear. There was a singlet in her room, but it was a new one which I had bought by mistake. It had a crop top style band under the main part of the singlet which irritated her. I said that I would cut it off, but while I was doing that could she perhaps put some socks on or brush her teeth.
A few minutes later I yanked the newly pruned singlet on her and then her t-shirt over that. I put her socks on then had a fight with her over her teeth. I have no idea why teeth brushing makes her lose the plot, but day after day we have this fight.
After waiting 10 minutes for her to brush her teeth with her just holding the toothbrush saying that I was rushing her, I gave up and took the toothbrush from her and did them myself. She cried the entire time. Then I did her hair with made her cry even more.
I hate it.
I hate that it is so hard to do anything or go anywhere. I know I have posted before about how hard it is to go out but it really feels like it is not worth the effort.
I have struggled with depression for over 9 years now and sometimes it is hard to even look after myself and get myself out of the black hole, let alone deal with a children who have their own issues. Today everything disinterests me. I don’t want to hear small talk. I don’t want to do anything outside and I certainly don’t want to get someone dressed.
Sometimes it is just too overwhelming.