Help!

Hmm my first post in a while…things have been a bit hectic here lately.

Finding it very hard to cope with it all at the moment. What I would do for some help or a holiday. Or just someone to get the girl out of bed and dressed in the morning. I am usually exhausted by 7.28am every morning and my spine has fallen out just from wrestling her out of bed.

This morning I had two of them to get dressed as the boy has collapsed and was incapable of moving due to one of his obsessions. He gets these obsessions for things and that’s what consumes him. There is no getting him to think or talk about anything else and heaven help us if we can’t get it for him. Of course once he gets whatever it is he moves on to something else and the need starts again.

At the moment it is a BB gun. Yep, an air rifle! Of course I am going to be rushing out to get one. Just wait while I grab my bag will you!

I physically had to dress him and brush his teeth and shove his feet into his shoes just to get him to school as he was just being an immovable lump on his bed. No response was had from him in regards to anything other than that was all he wanted and that’s all he ever wanted for ever and ever.

I do feel for him about these obsessions – to be consumed by something like that would make it very hard to function. I wish I could help him get over these but I don’t know what to do.

Wednesday he wouldn’t go to school at all and when he gets angry he is very very strong.

I also got very very angry.

I smashed the lead-lighted window we have in the front door. I was so so angry that he could do that to me. Of course him not going to school was the straw that broke the camels back after having a crappy night with the girl. She had been awake since 3.30am and both the man and I were tired.

I need a break!

Just shoot me. Please…

Anyone know what to do with obsessions and how to help the boy overcome them??

Anything…..

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Not feeling the love today!

I got this comment on my blog earlier today. I was initially very upset and angry because…. well because it is obviously hurtful.

I got on the defensive and felt like listing all of the reasons and giving examples as to how much I love my children, and all I do for for them, but then figured what was the point!  The author of this comment clearly has aspergers as well and wouldn’t get what I was talking about anyway. She has also missed the whole point of my blog, which is a place for me to vent in a safe place. A hell of a lot better than beating small children with a stick (that was a joke there if you didn’t get it, my dear comment writer!)

Anyhoo…. after making me feel very sad this evening I went for a run to get it out of my system. Also much better than drinking myself into oblivion (although not as tasty), feeling much better now.

Make of this what you like! But perhaps don’t judge me too harshly 😉

Drum roll…………

“Children with aspergers (as well as adults) need routine. You can NOT break that routine, such as expect them to put socks before clothes. What you will get is a meltdown EVERY TIME. Brushing teeth… Have you bothered figuring out that it may physically HURT her? She cries when you do it because you might be HURTING her. Toothpaste might be BURNING her. Toothpaste may have a disgusting texture to her. Toothpaste can ACTUALLY sluff off the skin in her mouth. You really think a little girl who finds tooth brushing painful or disgusting is going to want to do it????? She has communication issues.. you REALLY think she is going to be ABLE to tell you this herself?
When she CAN’T make her breakfast she REALLY can’t. She is NOT faking it just to make your life difficult! You think she likes to feel incapable????? It is terrifying to be able to do something one day and discover the next it is like you NEVER have done it before!

You rant poor me poor me… open your eyes and actually try to understand how much your daughter is SUFFERING. Her actions may frustrate you.. but I can tell you from personal experience. YOU WOULD NEVER survive two minutes in her world.

Educate yourself on her needs. I bet you would end up in a happier life. Even better… Your DAUGHTER would have the UNDERSTANDING LOVING parent she DESERVES!

Your post disgusts me. Aspergers lack empathy? Pffft… YOU do.”

 

And by the way, our frustration comes because the girl CAN and DOES brush her teeth, make her breakfast, etc, WHEN IT SUITS her. The frustration never comes from what the girl can’t do, always from what she WON’T do.

Ok, rant over!

Maybe I will get the wine tonight….

 

 

 

Can I laugh now?

I think I have mentioned before how the boy has some issues with words. Like calling Vegemite, Jam and vice versa. Or calling the stuff up your nose plaque…

Anyway he sometimes gets words mixed up, or adds words to what he is trying to say which just makes us laugh but him really cross for laughing at him. I am naughty for laughing but some of the words he comes out with are hilarious.

Yesterday afternoon I took the kids to the pool to let them run off some steam. As it was late when we left I just rugged them up in the towels and made a dash for the car. I hate those changing rooms at the pool so I made them freeze for a few minutes in the car. When we got home I ran a bath and both kids jumped in at once. They are usually not allowed to bathe together as they fight and I can’t cope with the screaming and yelling…

I started washing the girls hair, you know, cos it was full of chlorine, and she loved it that much that she kicked the boy.

In the privates.

‘Ouch’, he cried.

‘You kicked me in the nuts!’

‘Nuts?’ I say.

‘Yeah’, he continued.

‘My peanuts!’

I had to leave the bathroom because I was laughing so much. I was not the boy’s favourite person then.

Just a bad joke of a day.

Yesterday was not a good day. So good in fact, that I gave it up for a bad joke and went to bed when the kids went.

The day’s plans went to pot about7.30am when I received a phone call from the mother of the boy that was supposed to be dropped at out house at 8am. I was going to look after her son for 3 hours whilst she went to work, then she was going to pick both boys up and take them back to her house for the afternoon. Unfortunately she ended up being called into work for the whole day so her husband stayed at home instead.

The boy went back to bed and sobbed his little heart out. He had been looking forward to spending the day with his best bud. If I had been more awake at the time of the call I would have said to bring the friend over for the day. But I wasn’t, so I didn’t.

First mistake of the day!

The girl had spent the night at my mums house, so I had to go over to pick her up at lunchtime. The boy wasn’t the least interested in coming because it hadn’t been on his agenda, but I got him there eventually.

All was fine for a few minutes – until the boy realised that neither his sister nor his cousins who were also there were interested in going outside to play with him. He loves being outside at the moment, either kicking a ball or riding a bike or just generally being loud. The catch being is that he needs someone out with him. Actually, I correct myself. His 2 yo cousin would have gone outside but the boy said that he was too young to play what he wanted to play.

So, instead of accepting that getting them outside was nigh on impossible, he threw a tantrum and got his sister in a headlock and kicked her. Thereby securing his position as a contortionist. Breaking up this fight was fun. The girl was screaming at the boy and the boy was yelling at the boy and at me. As soon as I spoke to the boy he started mimicking me which really drives me up the wall.

I left him after telling the girl to go play somewhere else. Let him calm down a bit I though. Except when I left the room he immediately let himself out the front door and went and sat on the car bonnet. As long as I didn’t see him walking down the road he would be ok. At least I couldn’t hear him out there.

Eventually he calmed down and he came back inside and proceeded to sit next to me and draw and relax. I decided it was time to go anyway as I had promised them a trip to the ‘new’ library. New as it had just reopened after a couple of months of refurbishment. Anyway, as we were packing up the toys and cleaning up a bit he walked past me just as I moved my arm and he walked straight into my elbow.

‘Why am I just having a bad day?’ he wailed through his tears. The poor boy just can’t cope with changes.

Eventually we made it to the library and he was happy. A big pile of books on his favourite subjects of sharks and spiders and all was right with the world.

We even made it for a bike ride to get rid of some more energy. Fingers crossed, I thought, that there would be no more tears or meltdowns.

I spoke too soon.

Just after dinner the boy mentioned that he couldn’t find on of his drumsticks. You know, the kind that they use to drum on everything they can find and drive you batty with the noise!

So the girl jumps up to help him look on the couch and in the process of both of them ‘helping’ each other, the boy accidently knocks over the girls drink that she had left on the floor. Of course all hell breaks loose… what else!

So the girl yelled at the boy and he started shrieking at her and more yelling, then the boy  called the man a fricking idiot because he had dared tried to calm everyone down. Then the man smacked him on the backside, so the boy told him to fuck off. I couldn’t help myself by this point I was so angry (no wonder everyone else has a problem!) so I stormed after him as he ran into his bedroom. Meanwhile the girl is still shrieking about her drink and how the boy kicked it over and it was on purpose. Oh my ears!!

I sent her to her room still shrieking and I sat down in exhaustion.

Eventually the boy came out and apologised to me ‘for using those bad words’ so I gave him a cuddle and sent him to bed.

Then I gave up and crawled into bed myself.

 

 

 

 

To act. Or not!

This is the first post of July. I have been slack I know… too much going on with the end of term winding to a close with tired and grumpy kids.

I am feeling very flat today. You know when you are so bored that you really should get up to find something to do, except that you are too bored to get up? That’s me today.

Yesterday I took the girl to an audition in the city. We had to be there at 9.30am for a 10am start. So just to make sure we were there in plenty of time we left at 8.30. I had only had one coffee by then, so I was not fully awake. Torture!

The audition turns out to be for something called The Event, which is to be held in America (Orlando to be exact) in the middle of December. The girl was given a script that she had to say in front of a camera and also met a couple of agents from America. She had a ball, and of course loved the whole concept of going overseas to spend a week singing, dancing and acting. She IS going to be the next Hannah Montana remember!

The money part. There is always a catch…

Of course you have to pay to get over there and Australia is a long way from America. And the east coast as well. The camp itself wasn’t too bad I guess. But the flights to get there are just too much. I did a lot of research last night on flights and costs and it just about did my head in. Both the man and I were hoping that she didn’t get in, so then we wouldn’t have to make a decision.

But of course she did!

So we have knocked back that opportunity because they needed to know today whether she would be attending and we weren’t in the position to say yes at the moment.

Now I feel bad for turning down an opportunity for the girl to do something that she loves to do. She shines in front of the camera. Others were shaking as they took their turn in the spotlight but she just lapped it up.

And yes, I know we are being sensible by not spending the money on a weeks camp in front of teachers, and agents and other important people in the business, but my sense has flown out the window.

We all want the best chances for our children.

Unnecessary Laughter

I get in trouble a lot with the boy. He doesn’t like being laughed at, even if he has done something funny.

I was trying to get a jumper over his head the other day and it got stuck. I know I should have undone a couple more buttons on the front to allow it to go over his big head but I couldn’t be bothered.

Anyhow, it got stuck. And the more I tugged on it then the more it got stuck. The chuckles that I had turned into full on tears of laughter as the boy got more and more angrier. I couldn’t help it.

Eventually we got it off and he stormed off to his bedroom after giving me the evil eye and stomping on my foot.

Which made me laugh even more. I am not even sure why it made me laugh to start with!!

Don’t get my started on the funny names he calls us when he is mad… very hard to stay angry at him when he is calling me a Turkey Breast Tender!

(Oh my sides)

Mum fail

I felt like an epic failure yesterday.

We have finally started the formal diagnosis of the boy. Or as I like to say – just throw all our money at the specialists!! I have decided that I will just call myself a specialist and see who can throw some money at me…. do you think it’ll work?

I took the boy to his first speech pathologist assessment yesterday. First of all I forgot the paperwork that was needed for the therapist to get all the proper details. I have so much paperwork it is coming out my ears, and I just forgot which doctor needs what forms filled in. So anyway, I had to do it whilst she was talking to me about the boy. I also didn’t have any reports from all the hearing tests he had years ago, or the details of his current doctor for his kidneys etc etc.

Then I couldn’t remember what his first word was, or if he babbled baby language at 6 months. It’s ok I said to her, I will check when I get home as I have it all filled in in his baby books.

Wrong!

There is nothing in them. I never did it. I remember when he crawled and walked, but not when he spoke or didn’t.

Feel very bad right now.

Will fill you in on the details of how the assessment went (or didn’t) later. Did I mention that he shuts down when strangers try to talk to him? Der… that’s part of the problem. You would think these autism specialists would know how to deal with kids on the spectrum. Wouldn’t you?

Whatcha watching?

Apparently the boy and the girl were watching the tv. But don’t ask them what was happening because the girl will shriek at you and the boy will have to stop his lego playing to answer you.

So far the girl has danced around the house, picked up the cat 639 times, sung a song with her brother and hidden under the table. At one point she asked us what was happening and got upset because we couldn’t answer her. Just because we aren’t watching it!

When we tell her to go to bed if she is not watching the movie she will immediately sit down and watch the tv, and then say but ‘why are they in jail?’

How the hell do we know?

I have taken to asking her what is happening now just to mess with her head and hear her shriek ‘I told you to stop asking me that!!!!’

Yes I am evil!