Pass the wine

We are just in the middle of one of our nightly fights with the boy. Apparently because we are trying to make him brush his teeth we are bad parents who don’t care about him. He has just been literally dragged kicking and screaming into his bedroom and been told to put himself to sleep and that he has to stay there all night.

By himself.

Impossible!

It breaks my heart to see him act like that. I hate being told I am a bad parent by him when I love him to bits and would do anything to not see him hurt.

I don’t get why he has to shut down every night when asked to brush his teeth. Up until that point he is a happy cheery boy, and it’s like a switch just flicks inside his head. He won’t tell us why he won’t brush his teeth. He does it without fighting in the morning so it is not a sensory issue.

Drives. Us. Crazy!

The girl is in her room shouting for everyone to be quiet and that she is trying to learn her spelling words! She couldn’t care less about what is happening. I wouldn’t expect anything else from her though.

As I have written all this I caught him sneaking out of his room to go and brush his teeth. I don’t get why he does this after 15 minutes of screaming about it, and making the man and I sad and upset in the process. Now we will sit here all evening feeling like we are failures.

Where’s the wine tonight? Anyone….

I’ll update you on the sleeping issue later.

A major breakthrough

The girl has eaten vegemite sandwiches for the last six years at school. The good thing about this is that we don’t have to think too hard when we are making her lunch at night.

The boy, however, keeps us on our toes with his requests. We have been known to stand at the cupboard for several minutes before deciding on a filling for the sandwich. We learnt early on not to ask what he wants in them because he will just answer ‘sprinkles’. Hmmm… sugar on bread for a nutritious snack, nothing better!

However, the other night a miracle happened.

We had had roast lamb for dinner (yes we had won the lottery so I was able to purchase a leg) and the girl is rather partial to lamb. As we were eating I mentioned that I love it on sandwiches for lunch. The girl decided that she would like to try it on her sandwich the next day, or at least half a sandwich with the other half still containing vegemite in case she didn’t like the lamb.  And if she did like it, she said, she would want to have it every day.

No, I replied. We are not rich enough for that!

The next day I asked the girl how she enjoyed her sandwich when I picked up the kids from school.

‘Fine’, she said. ‘I ate it!’

I fell over in shock!

Medicine time

The girl has a chest infection.

For nearly the last week she has been coughing her lungs up at night and driving us herself crazy!

Yesterday I took her to the doctor and he prescribed antibiotics, the girl was not happy.

One of her phobia’s is medicine. Just mention the word and she goes into meltdown mode. Anything she has had to take over the years has been masked by a drink of some kind. Unfortunately the antibiotics are a bit harder to hid, usually because they are bright pink or yellow and have a very strong taste. The makers of the drug must think it tastes good or something!

In my next life I am going to make a range of drugs that kids on the spectrum will be able to take, as a lot of them have a problem with flavour….

So I have had to put the medicine into a drink that she really likes, and follow it with a chaser of the same drink to wash it down. It only took 2 hours for her to have it. A record really in our book.

Apparently because the doctor said to have it twice a day he meant that she had to start the medicine in the morning, not that night. I tried to explain that the dose last night was needed because her body was sick and it couldn’t wait another 12 hours to start it.

Finally after many threats, one of which was that I was going to hold her down and shove the medicine down her throat, she took it.

Success!! For that night anyway.

I am currently looking at the cup with the medicine that she has to take this morning. The girl has come up with every excuse in the book not to have it yet. First she was drawing and cutting out and she would take it after she was done. Then she was doing another activity at the table and would take it ‘just after the next thing I am doing’. Then it was lunch time and she just had to eat that second. Now there is a song that she has to sing…. you get the picture.

I am about to scream!

And I know that if she takes it now, we still have to get the evening dose into her, and then the next five days.

I’ll be hiding under the bed if you need me! 

It’s all about me!

The boy is now sick.

The girl has been sick all week and now it’s the boy’s turn. In true Asperger fashion the girl declared that he couldn’t possibly be any sicker than she is. Because it is all about her of course!

The last school concert was last night and he struggled through it as he was just starting to get sick. He shivered all the way to the car even bundled up in a blanket, and fell asleep on the way home. This morning he crawled into bed with a raging fever. At least he kept me warm!

This afternoon he collapsed in a heap and crawled back into bed. He has been there ever since, except for a few minutes when he woke up thinking he was going to be sick. I think it is going to be a long night.

The girl however, is still sick but well enough to be annoying to everyone now. She has been in her pyjamas all day and is still coughing but being a little motor mouth and rabbiting on about nothing important.

I made her dinner, as I have to. The homemade pizza’s she does like. I thought I would make her something she enjoys to eat as she hasn’t really had an appetite this week. So I gave her the muffin pizza’s with the tomato paste on it as well as the bacon. Apparently she doesn’t eat it with cut up bacon on them, she only eats it with ham!  Umm… no, I have made it with bacon before I reply.

20 minutes later with the tantrums still going she attempts to eat it by pulling off all the bacon and then licking the tomato paste off the muffins. And the muffins still taste ‘different’ because the bacon had been touching them….

My head really hurt by now…. where is the freaking wine!!! 

After saying that she wasn’t getting anything else and the tantrum and tears not abating I gave up and made her a vegemite muffin, threw her in the bath and sent her to bed.

I left the man in charge of the bedtime routine and went for a drive to visit my mum. And have a glass of wine.

Tempers are fraying

It has taken me a while to calm down and relax after tonight’s performance from the kids. I have no idea what set them off tonight, whether they are just excited by the thought of the Easter Bunny coming tonight, or just that they are sick of being at home as it is nearing the end of the school holidays (3 days to go)

The girl was kicking at random things all day, and just generally being a pain.

The Man decided to take them to see a movie, and in order for them all to make the screening in time I had to rush them to get ready. Ok, I rushed the girl because the boy is ok with following instructions quickly. We would still be waiting for the girl to be ready if we let her do it…

Anyhow, after getting loaded up in the car, the girl, still carrying her toothbrush (remember she hates brushing her teeth and will do anything to avoid it) managed to lose half of the paste on her shirt before she had even started. So back into the house come the man and the girl.

Change the shirt and put more toothpaste on the toothbrush and this time I just attack her to brush her teeth for her. By her screams you would have thought I was doing her some serious damage!

Finally they leave.

Ahhh… peace for a couple of hours.

I promptly went back to bed for a nap!

Later on this afternoon I suggested that we go out for a walk and get some fresh air. The kids decided that they would take their bikes. Fine with us, cos at least we can walk in peace then. We head out the long way to a park near us, the kids promptly take off and leave us alone. We met them up at the park where they had a nice play in between some fighting. We left after the boy pulled the girl’s hair and she gave him a good round-house kick back in retaliation.

From then on they fought and argued about everything. And stupidly I made dinner for them when I know better than to actually ask them to eat something I have made! What was I thinking?

Dinner times are not very relaxed around here. The kids both have a very limited range of food and I get so sick of making the same things day in and day out for them. I thought I was pretty safe with what I served up tonight – chops and veges! Clearly not, as the boy promptly said he wasn’t eating it and helped himself to a can of tuna, and the girl ate the meat and chewed the chop bone and then argued about how many peas and corn she would have to eat. When I said 10 of each, she collapsed as apparently there was only 9 pieces of corn!

They both kept picking up the cat and chasing her when we were saying not to, and the last straw was when the boy pretended to hit the cat with his pyjama top and didn’t understand why the poor cat was frightened. They were then both sent to bed without dessert. The boy proceeded to yell at us from his bedroom about how much he hated us, and apparently we hate him (which makes him cry as he says it). After a while he was quiet, then started asking when we were coming in to put him to bed. Once he has got his rage out of his system he is lovely again.

I was over the whole bedtime routine for the girl so I broke it, and paid the consequences. I wasn’t in the mood to read her a chapter of her book, so made her get up to go to the toilet. I got kicked and she started crying and talking because she doesn’t go to the toilet until AFTER I have read her a chapter of her book.

She went to the toilet eventually, and when she came back I presented her with her toothbrush. Then she had a complete meltdown because I was rushing her to do it, and I couldn’t do it for her, and why does she need to do it tonight…. ?

At this point I felt like hitting my head on the wall. Or at least running away. I don’t want to play anymore….I get so angry that I can’t control what I say, so I make her worse because she knows how angry I am. If I had just read her the bloody book in the first place then this wouldn’t have happened.

The man came in at this point, so she kept crying at him. I left because I couldn’t handle this anymore. Somehow he got her calmed down again and brushing her teeth.

I felt terrible then, so had to go and give her a cuddle and say sorry to her. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose, and she is at the mercy of her emotions as well. It is the whole repetition of routines which gets to me.

Hopefully the Easter Bunny brings some peace tomorrow! Or at least enough chocolate for me not to care!

Lessons I’ve learnt

I have learnt some very valuable lessons during our time dealing with aspergers. I thought I would share these with you, so you can make an informed decision about whether you would like an aspergers child as well.

You won’t be able to ask your child to do anything without them falling on the ground/bed/whatever flattish surface is nearby. This goes for asking them to brush their teeth, hair, put on clothes, have a bath, do their homework, empty the dishwasher and pick up their toys.

Don’t expect to get anywhere in a hurry. As soon as you say you are ready to go, then the child will say that they need to go to the toilet. And stay there for a while singing. Then they will have to change their underwear because now it feels funny. And can’t put on their shoes because the socks are not right and they won’t be able to do up their shoes because they can’t get them on tight enough and they will fall off….. (get the picture)

Homework will be beneath them. Don’t ask them to memorise spelling words because they have already learnt them when they wrote them down in their homework book that day. Don’t bother trying to get them to look at them ‘just in case’ because that will result in major tantrum. Wish I knew what it was like to have a photographic memory…. This also goes for learning music and lines for a play. They can remember everyone’s lines which comes in handy if someone is not there for the production.

Never suggest they eat something. Food is not liked. If there is any food in your cupboards then just throw it out now.

Maybe just keep the vegemite.

Sleep is also not liked. The child will endeavour to keep you in their bedroom late at night and then keep calling out overnight to help put them back to sleep. They also won’t care that you are tired and grumpy in the morning, because they are not. You will miss out on all of your tv shows as you go through the whole nighttime routine. Every. Single. Night.

You will get told information about subjects that you knew nothing about. And would not care to know about. Like the series order of a particular tv programs, who is in the tv series, what else they have been in, what lightsaber each character has in starwars etc. Seriously, why do they think we care!!

Hygiene is beneath them. You will save on water. And toothpaste. And shampoo.

Never expect any sympathy. They don’t care. If it is not about them then they have no interest at all. So you might as well just shut up and get on with it.

Don’t go anywhere with sun, sand, bees, flowers, strong smells, or loud noises. Or cold.  As there is nowhere else to go you might as well stay home.

There are many many other delightful tips I could share with you, this is only a taste. But it might help you make your decision easier.

Remember! Keep the vegemite!