Don’t throw out the wine!!!

Sometimes I have a laugh about the search terms that bring readers to this blog.

A lot of them feature teeth brushing problems, which is normal as Aspies hate the taste of toothpaste and feel of the toothbrush in their mouth.

Obsessions with paper is another one which is normal, as is sleep – or lack of sleep. There are a lot of sleep deprived parents who keep the caffeine business going.

One of the more interesting search this week was ‘little girl boy brushing teeth girl puts toothpaste and sprinkles on boy’s head’…..

Hmm not sure what was going on there – were they sprinkles that you put on bread? And did the little girl think the boy was a snack?

Another one from today was ‘when he gets angry he throws out all the wine!’ ¬†What the…?

Not sure why anyone who searches for wine would land on my blog! ūüėČ

And why would anyone throw out good wine, regardless of whether they were angry or not!

That’s just kooky talk!

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Pass the wine

We are just in the middle of one of our nightly fights with the boy. Apparently because we are trying to make him brush his teeth we are bad parents who don’t care about him. He has just been literally dragged kicking and screaming into his bedroom and been told to put himself to sleep and that he has to stay there all night.

By himself.

Impossible!

It breaks my heart to see him act like that. I hate being told I am a bad parent by him when I love him to bits and would do anything to not see him hurt.

I don’t get why he has to shut down every night when asked to brush his teeth. Up until that point he is a happy cheery boy, and it’s like a switch just flicks inside his head. He won’t tell us why he won’t brush his teeth. He does it without fighting in the morning so it is not a sensory issue.

Drives. Us. Crazy!

The girl is in her room shouting for everyone to be quiet and that she is trying to learn her spelling words! She couldn’t care less about what is happening. I wouldn’t expect anything else from her though.

As I have written all this I caught him sneaking out of his room to go and brush his teeth. I don’t get why he does this after 15 minutes of screaming about it, and making the man and I sad and upset in the process. Now we will sit here all evening feeling like we are failures.

Where’s the wine tonight? Anyone….

I’ll update you on the sleeping issue later.

The morning and the tiredness

I am exhausted.

It is only 8.30am but the girl’s morning antics have worn me out already.

She has choir at school at 8am which she loves and refuses to give up but she doesn’t help us get her ready to go.

Yesterday I gave her the day off school to give her some time to unwind after a really busy weekend and she was awake at 6.45am. Today when I need her up early I had to wake her at 7.20am and she still refused to get up. Sounds normal I guess….

Three different drinks were tried before she finally settled on a hot chocolate (with added ritalin). She didn’t want the orange juice that she asked for, nor the apple juice because it had lumps in it, so a small amount of chocolate milk was finally a winner.

I had dressed her as I yanked her out of bed because sometimes that is easier than fighting the flailing limbs when she is finally ensconced on the couch, so all I had to do was get her to eat breakfast, go to the toilet and brush her teeth. Easy!

Except we had 0.56 minutes to do this in.

After asking for an apple the girl sat and looked at it for 10 minutes before talking a microscopic bite out of it.

Telling her it was time to leave made her run and hide on her bed because I was being mean and was scaring her! Dragging her out of bed again and shoving her shoes on her feet I asked her to get in the car, at which point she went to the toilet.

Banging my head on a convenient wall nearby and counting to 500 did nothing to help me…..

After five minutes of sitting on the toilet the girl finally comes out and dawdles to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Luckily that doesn’t require too much time because the ritalin has finally kicked in and she is doing what she is told.

I love ritalin!!

Finally at 7.59 she is ready. Did I mention that choir starts at 8.00 and it is a 10 minute drive to get to school?

And what has the boy been doing in all of this?

He got up and ate his breakfast and got dressed and brushed his teeth and was packed and out the door and waiting in the car for the girl.

In his words ¬†‘what are we going to do with her?’ ¬†He cracks me up!

Is it too early for wine?

 

The camp and the girl

The girl went to camp this week. Trying to get her prepared for it was a nightmare. I had had talks with her teacher about her medication and her sleep routine and the food and which room to put her in with which people…. and on it went.

I had packed her bags for her, because her idea of packing is to make sure all of her 64 teddy bears are in her bag with 14 pairs of underpants.

And nothing else.

Very handy if she suddenly gets an attack of the runs but that’s about it.

I had also packed the pharmacy for her and labelled containers filled with the medication she needed for each day. She needed it three times a day and I didn’t want to have to leave it to the teacher to have to mix it up each time she needed it. Also had to remind the teacher not to mention that it is medicine otherwise we would have a nightmare on our hands.

Since the girl came home from camp yesterday, I have realised that although the man and I do so much preparing with her and her teachers, there is always more problems that arise.¬†For instance, she couldn’t brush her hair when she was away because her brush was at the bottom of her bag and she couldn’t get it out without making a mess.¬†And they weren’t allowed to make a mess in their cabins. I did say that maybe she could have taken things out of her bag and then put them back, but apparently not!

And lucky I had sent some emergency food for her to eat otherwise she may have gone hungry. I gave some little cans of tuna to the teacher before they left. Yes she does eat plain tuna in a can, both the boy and the girl do. Makes for an easy option for dinner.

They also served up pancakes for breakfast one morning, which the girl loves, except she had to eat plain because she wouldn’t touch any of the options the camp provided. Not sure many people provide 100’s and 1000’s for pancakes.

Her teeth also didn’t get brushed that often because she could only brush her teeth if she got reminded 739 times and given 4 hours to do it in and of course the teacher may¬†have reminded them once in the morning to do it. But it still would not have been her fault.

Also, she told me there was no need to use soap when she had a shower because she just wasn’t dirty. Even though they had all just been canoeing in a dirty lake, and had water poured on them when they were hut building. But apparently I am just a parent and don’t know much.

But, it was a success. We didn’t receive a phone call to come and get her, and we all had a lovely break from her. And there was no tears at bedtime which is a huge success.

Even if she did come home with birds nest hair and dirty teeth….

Now just have to look into the boarding school option.

Routines and rewards

Well that was fun!

I had to speak to the Psychologist at school today about the boy. He had finished his tests at school as part of his diagnosis and the psychologist just wanted to give me her report and let me ask any questions about it all.

I then told her about the girl and how a lot of behaviour was getting worse and that the man and I are at our wits end with it all. She let me explain about the night time routine and how it is not working for us (even though the girl thinks it is) and how much of the evening is spent either trying to reason with the girl, or argue with her.

She said that is sounded like the girl was getting a lot of negative attention from us, as we jumped through hoops to get her to go to bed without a battle. That sounded about right. She went on to say that all the girl has to do was say no to something or put up a protest and then mum and dad start paying her a lot of attention, and then one parent disagrees with the other and hey presto, the girl has one humdinger of a fight over her in her bedroom. Free show!

So tonight we started a new routine. We told the girl that we were changing the routine because the old bedtime routine just wasn’t working. She was happy with that – until bedtime came!

The first part was easy. She had to go to the toilet and brush her teeth BEFORE getting into bed. Then if she did that she would get a chapter of her book read to her as a reward.

Sounded easy to me!!

She cried and threw objects around the room and banged on the walls and yelled out to me and ripped up the new routine that I had written on a piece of paper. We had calmly told her¬†through gritted teeth¬†that we wouldn’t be back until she had gone to the toilet and brushed her teeth.

‘I HATE THIS ROUTINE AND I WANT MY OLD ONE BACK’ was shouted a few hundred times. Cos apparently she knew better than us.

The man and I did not rise to any of her attacks on us, and whenever she screamed at us from her room we just replied that we would return to read her book when she had done as she was told. And that we would be glad to spend time with her then.

After a while (read one and a half hours) I went into her room and tried to give her her toothbrush again. Another meltdown from her but I didn’t react. I then reached over and managed to get the toothbrush into her mouth and did her teeth. This made her cry harder but it was all over pretty quick.

She then coughed, blew her nose and smiled at me. A completely different child. How do they change so fast?!

We spent some time chatting and then reading her book. Yes it was late by then but she had to have some positive attention. Even though I had ended up doing her teeth for her she had not had any fighting or extra attention about that, so I figure that is a start.

I figure this will not be an easy road but it has to be done for our sanity. Although, according to the boy we are already dimwits so maybe there is no hope for us at all!

I think I have earned my wine tonight, two hours of a bedtime routine will do that to a person.

 

 

 

Teethbrushing fights

Ahh the teeth brushing saga….

The man and I swear the girl is getting worse with it. Every night we have such a battle with teeth brushing that I start to dread it during the lead up to the evening. The arguments and tears and promises about it….ARGHH!!!

It does our head in.

After  20 minutes of waiting for the girl to start brushing tonight, the tears started. Apparently the man had hurt her trying to brush her teeth for her, and she fell back onto the soft pillows on her bed. I went into the bedroom and grabbed the toothbrush out of her hand and did it for her. It is the only way to get it done now. At this point she was sobbing so much that she was nearly sick. And the coughing and sobbing continues for so long.

I get so frustrated and even though I know it is not her fault and she can’t help herself it drives me crazy. I get so annoyed and cross with her not being about to do it without a fight Every. Single. Night. I hate it. And I hate that I can’t think of a solution.

We have tried different toothbrushes and toothpaste. We have tried rewards and bribery and just plain threats.

Any solutions or hints are welcome because at this stage the man and I are pulling out our hair.

Who says she needs teeth?

 

Meltdown Central

Life has been pretty busy here lately, the girl has a full schedule on at the moment due to concert rehearsals for both the Australian Girls Choir and the school concert. Both of these are a week apart, and there is three performances for the school concert. Add to this the two day music school she just had on at the weekend and then the usual after school requirements and we have a very tired girl.

I know she is tired but I still have expectations of both good behaviour and her homework done. Yes I am hard.

So why am I surprised when she has continual meltdowns? Not surprised as such, but not coping well with them when she does has them and losing my cool far too soon.

On the weekend when she was sitting on the couch instead of getting ready to leave for choir she just kept saying ‘in a second’ when I was asking her to do something. You know, like going to the toilet and brushing her teeth. Yes we have to remind her to do these – and after telling her for half an hour she finally exploded and cried at us that we were rushing her. I tried grabbing her and pushing her into the toilet and bathroom, after chasing her around the lounge-room. This resulted in delaying her even more which made me yell at her and then her to cry more. Then I had the man look at me in such a way that meant ‘see, I told you not to rush her’. Yes I know I shouldn’t but I get so frustrated and it is important to me that she is on time. At this point I went and hid in our bedroom and left him to deal with her. Yes they made it in time, by the skin of their teeth.

I am sick of doing everything. From getting her breakfast to dressing her to reminding her to go to the toilet before we leave for school. Or reminding her to eat. How does anyone forget to eat even with the bowl or plate in front of them.

I am just tired about doing and reminding her to do everything for the next few years is just making me tired. I was hoping everything got a bit easier as ¬†the children got older but it doesn’t seem to be so far.

The boy is fed up with her. He has resorted to bringing her her clothes to get her dressed just so that he can get to school on time. What a champ! Not sure I like the idea that the younger child is organising the older one. He shouldn’t have to worry about things like that – but he does like looking after people.

All is quiet for now, homework was done with little fuss tonight and now the neighbour is here and the two girls are doing a play. The boy is outside with the other neighbour and they are doing noisy boy things like shooting each other and shouting. Hopefully it will tire him out some more.

There is only the bed time pa lava to attend to later and the day is over. Easy!

Oh, I forgot we have to brush her teeth again!!! Arghh…..

I think I will go hide in my bedroom again.

Personal Hygiene – what is that mum?

I borrowed a book for the girl on personal hygiene. She needs it. She doesn’t know why we have to do the washing of bodies and teeth on a regular basis.

She wants to be a model/singer/actress but doesn’t understand that usually models/singers/actresses don’t have black teeth ‘I don’t care if I have rotten teeth!’….

She read this book which was full of interesting facts like how bacteria breeds on your skin which she kept reciting to us. And for half a minute she considered brushing her teeth without a fight. It told her about deodorant and what to do with it when the time came and ‘pernos’ (periods) which the man and I are dreading. The logistics of having good hygiene when this happens just fills us with dread.

It is a commen traits for aspies to hate anything to do with teeth brushing and washing of bodies – they just don’t see the point! And it hurts – the hair brushing anyway. It is also ¬†a time waster. Time that could be better spent on what they like to do in their little world.

The book has now gone back to the library Рeverything read in it has been forgotten. Maybe I will reborrow it to refresh her memory in a few more months.

As I type this I am watching the girl who is still in her pyjamas at 5pm, her hair looks like a birds nest that has been through a tornado and her teeth are unbrushed.

Why?

Because I didn’t have the energy for a fight today.

Tempers are fraying

It has taken me a while to calm down and relax after¬†tonight’s¬†performance from the kids. I have no idea what set them off tonight, whether they are just excited by the thought of the Easter Bunny coming tonight, or just that they are sick of being at home as it is nearing the end of the school holidays (3 days to go)

The girl was kicking at random things all day, and just generally being a pain.

The Man decided to take them to see a movie, and in order for them all to make the screening in time I had to rush them to get ready. Ok, I rushed the girl because the boy is ok with following instructions quickly. We would still be waiting for the girl to be ready if we let her do it…

Anyhow, after getting loaded up in the car, the girl, still carrying her toothbrush (remember she hates brushing her teeth and will do anything to avoid it) managed to lose half of the paste on her shirt before she had even started. So back into the house come the man and the girl.

Change the shirt and put more toothpaste on the toothbrush and this time I just attack her to brush her teeth for her. By her screams you would have thought I was doing her some serious damage!

Finally they leave.

Ahhh… peace for a couple of hours.

I promptly went back to bed for a nap!

Later on this afternoon I suggested that we go out for a walk and get some fresh air. The kids decided that they would take their bikes. Fine with us, cos at least we can walk in peace then. We head out the long way to a park near us, the kids promptly take off and leave us alone. We met them up at the park where they had a nice play¬†in between¬†some fighting. We left after the boy pulled the girl’s hair and she gave him a good round-house kick back in retaliation.

From then on they fought and argued about everything. And stupidly I made dinner for them when I know better than to actually ask them to eat something I have made! What was I thinking?

Dinner times are not very relaxed around here. The kids both have a very limited range of food and I get so sick of making the same things day in and day out for them. I thought I was pretty safe with what I served up tonight – chops and veges! Clearly not, as the boy promptly said he wasn’t eating it and helped himself to a can of tuna, and the girl ate the meat and chewed the chop bone and then argued about how many peas and corn she would have to eat. When I said 10 of each, she collapsed as apparently there was only 9 pieces of corn!

They both kept picking up the cat and chasing her when we were saying not to, and the last straw was when the boy pretended to hit the cat with his pyjama top and didn’t understand why the poor cat was frightened.¬†They were then both sent to bed without dessert. The boy proceeded to yell at us from his bedroom about how much he hated us, and apparently we hate him (which makes him cry as he says it). After a while he was quiet, then started asking when we were coming in to put him to bed. Once he has got his rage out of his system he is lovely again.

I was over the whole bedtime routine for the girl so I broke it, and paid the consequences. I wasn’t in the mood to read her a chapter of her book, so made her get up to go to the toilet. I got kicked and she started crying and talking because she doesn’t go to the toilet until AFTER I have read her a chapter of her book.

She went to the toilet eventually, and when she came back I presented her with her toothbrush. Then she had a complete meltdown because I was rushing her to do it, and I couldn’t do it for her, and why does she need to do it tonight…. ?

At this point I felt like hitting my head on the wall. Or at least running away. I don’t want to play anymore….I get so angry that I can’t control what I say, so I make her worse because she knows how angry I am. If I had just read her the bloody book in the first place then this wouldn’t have happened.

The man came in at this point, so she kept crying at him. I left because I couldn’t handle this anymore. Somehow he got her calmed down again and brushing her teeth.

I felt terrible then, so had to go and give her a cuddle and say sorry to her. I know she doesn’t do it on purpose, and she is at the mercy of her emotions as well. It is the whole¬†repetition¬†of routines which gets to me.

Hopefully the Easter Bunny brings some peace tomorrow! Or at least enough chocolate for me not to care!